REFLECTIONS AND MIRRORS

Dear family and dear fortune.

 

Here I am and here I stand at the edge of knowing, at the edge between charted and uncharted space. Behind the door and drawn curtains is a future none of us can discern and only God and the dead can smile at. In only a few month’s time, I will be opening that door, parting that curtain and the dark breath of infinity will be mine to travel through. In course of fate and mystery, I’ll be mapping my path through the unknown and in letters and text messages, I’ll let you know how it’s going. I know that the journey won’t be perfect and I’m expecting more than a little turbulence. But that’s okay. I thrive on change, I flourish in adventure. Which is why I implore you:

 

Just let me go.

 

I know you mean well. I know you want to protect me. I know you’re scared of all the ways I’ll get hurt. But I’ll never know unless I try. I’ll never learn to fly if I haven’t fallen. The scars you carry are your own and for you to keep—do not expect to me to bear their consequences and fears for you. Because the canvas of my skin is only so big and the last thing I want to do is fill it with words and works that are not my own. I am my own person, I am not your conduit.

 

And I’m sorry if that upsets you to hear. But I’m more sorry that I’m just not sorry enough to stay behind and do everything you want me to do, be everything you want me to be. I might be your daughter, your sister, your light—but always, I am my own person first. And you might think that’s such a selfish thing to do, what a self-centered, ungrateful piece of shit I am.

 

Well, who’s more selfish: the person who wants to be someone or the person who wants to keep someone?

 

So here’s my curtain call—I’m to depart my daybreak of my life for the mystery behind the drapes hiding the window of opportunity and fortune from us. So cheers to you, past-self: you’ve served me well. I only hope to do you the same and serve your dreams well in the future to come.

 

And hello, 2015. Hello future. Hello possibilities and greatness. I’ve finally stolen my passport and I’m flying this plane straight into the unknown—fearless.

 

But above all: hello again self.

 

It’s about time we met again.